whispering

Starbucks Nightmare

Sat, 23 Apr 2011 22:59:34 -0400

Today at work, I experienced a major setback. I worked with the manager there for a whole day for the first time. Her name is Janelle.She’s black and she has a weird sense of humor. She uses a lot of sarcasm and ‘pretends’ to be mean as a joke.I didn’t let it get to me before, because I knew she was like that from the first time I met her.Until today. So I went to work with a smile on my face as usual.First I noticed there was a can of whipped cream that was empty. And we need to completely empty it out before taking it to the back sink.At the tucker store, we just emptied it in the sink or in the trash, it didn’t matter. But I like to empty it in the sink and run it with hot water so the whipped cream doesn’t melt in the trash and make a mess at the bottom of the trashcan.So as I was emptying it in the nearest sink, Janelle suddenly said “What are you doing? Stop. Stop. What are you doing?” in a hard tone.And I turned around and said “Emptying the whipped cream.”She could’ve told me that at the discover mill store, they have specific rules about emptying whipped cream, but she just yelled at me, “No. No katie. don’t empty it in the sink, it messes up the drains. empty it in the trash.”And I get it. different store, different rules. I knew that and I go to work everyday knowing that there are many different rules, and I am ready to adapt to them. But the adapting process would run a lot more easily if she didn’t yell at me but just calmly told me that there’s a different way to do it. So you can imagine my surprise at her rudeness. First I just decided to let bygones be bygones. When making a white mocha, I learned from the beginning of my training days and from all the shifts in Tucker that i should stir it with the stir stick so the thick sauce would melt into the espresso and taste better. So as I’ve learned and as I’ve always done, I stirred all thick sauce drinks with the stir sticks. But then suddenly, Janelle came up behind me and took the stir sticks away with a face that said “omg this girl is stupid” and said “I don’t get it. Why do you keep stirring the drinks with the sticks? These arn’t here for you to use them. Look, you’re wasting away those sticks. Do you know how many trees it take to make a box of stir sticks?”I was a little bit annoyed, but calmly explained that this method was how I was taught and how I’ve always done it.And instead of understanding that the Tucker store may have been different and politely asking me to stop using the stir sticks, she replied back in a harsh tone, “You’ve been taught wrong.” I was shocked. How can she say that to me? She was basically saying that Sebla, Greta, and Amicia, all the long time workers that I’ve worked and learned from are not different but wrong. I stopped listening to her after she said that, but she just kept saying something like “Do you get it Katie? do you get it now?” and she added “Am I annoying you yet?” and continued on like the harshness of her tone was a joke. But it didn’t matter if she meant it as a joke, I was offended and I personally don’t think any of her jokes are funny. That made me realize how you said some people are just narrow minded and only what they think is right. So I just thought of her as that kind of person. Someone who is not open minded and just plain stupid or inconsiderate. So again. With a professional attitude, I let it pass me, even though it bothered me how she couldn’t just teach me, but she went straight to scolding. But it didn’t end there. A customer asked her to stir a drink for her, and she took a stirring stick and started to stir the drink but as she stirred she said with a mocking voice “My names Katie and this is how I make drinks.” I just stared at her in shock, because not only did she scold me but now she was making fun of me. And I didn’t laugh or smile even when she looked at me with a smile on her face like “im joking haha” It wasnt funny. There is a line between funny sarcasm and just plain offensive behavior. And THAT’S NOT THE END. When it was my 30min break, I ordered a taco and japanese food, planning to eat half of the japanese food later for dinner. When she saw what I bought she gave me a serious face and was like “You’re eating a taco AND japanese food?” And I decided to smile and get the conversation ending fast and replied politely. But then she asked me “Are you pregnaunt? That’s a lot of food.” I was at the point like “what….. the……. f……..k…..” but AGAIN I just smiled and said “Ya, i’m just really hungry today. I must be tired” no im hungry cause im so angry and so stressed from working with you. but she CONTINUED. “you must be veerrrrrrrry hungry. thats a lot of food.” Why did she have to comment about my food? She didn’t even bother to understand that I was gunna save some for later. When she goes to taco bell during work hour and eat during her work hour I don’t say anything. I don’t ask her what she got or what shes eating, because its none of my business. I had enough of her from that moment, I had no interest what so ever to keep a smile on my face when she talked to me or came near me. Of course I was still polite to the other workers and the customers. But she continued to scold me “No Katie. That’s not how you do it. No Katie you can’t do that. No Katie you were taught wrong.” with simple things as punching in the credit card number or placing the washed dishes on an empty counter. I really wanted to quit. I think I’m someone who can deal with a lot of pressure and a good amount of work. When I work with that unnie every night and do all the labor work while she sits there on her iphone, I just get it done. I do the work. I understand there are different rules, and I’m new and I’m ready to adapt and work harder to prove that they didn’t hire someone who’s unqualified. But today was a day that I was so offended and shocked that I really don’t feel like working there anymore. And I asked for next sunday off so I can go to six flags, but after taking a long long long time to make the schedule, she scheduled me from 5 to 10 on sunday. And she told me to deep clean everything in the store next week. Oh and she scheduled me for 28.5 hours. I can’t do that. I have finals coming up. I have school. SCHOOL > STARBUCKS. Jimin understood. He gave me less hours as I started school, but apparently Janelle thinks starbucks is more important. I thought Jimin was the worst manager ever, but now I’m not sure. I hated working today. I wanted to drop everything, leave, and never come back. I’m afraid I might explode on her one day if this continues. My personality is just like that, if I don’t like you, I’m gunna shut you out and push you away. I’m trying hard to still be friendly to that unnie I always work with who makes me do everything, because that personality is not fit for the business world, but Janelle goes beyond her, she openly offends me and expects me to take it as a joke and laugh about it. What do you think I should do? Because I’m personally so angry with her and the workers there who are so weird and expect me to laugh at everything they say that Im getting tired of them, that I know my thinking won’t be rational.

미워도 사랑하니까 내마지막숨결떼까지 사랑할거니까

Sun, 17 Apr 2011 22:45:03 -0400

—————————————————————-
도대체 니가 얼마만큼 잘난 놈이길래
왜 이렇게 대체 내 마음을 몰라주는데
날 아프게 하는데

늦어도 괜찮으니까 좀 늦어도 괜찮으니까
꼭 돌아온단 약속만 해줘
미워도 사랑하니까

미워도 사랑하니까 아파도 사랑하니까
너는 내 남자이니까 니가 날 안아줘야 해
아파도 사랑하니까
미워도 사랑하니까 ..

My Dad

Sun, 06 Mar 2011 02:17:00 -0500

i always knew he was unlike any other dad. he’s intelligent, a leader, and a humble man of open-minded thoughts. he’s not one-minded like many asian dads who wants their kids to follow the traditional asian way to successful money. he thinks about more than what he wants. it’s hard to put into words how my dad is. simply put, he’s wise and understanding. qualities many people may claim of their fathers, but it’s a hard quality to come by. thinking indifferently, not like my dad, but of a random ahjussi, i was amazed at what he told me today. he knows what he wants but he also knows what others want. he doesnt lay it on me, but guides me to what he knows i can achieve through methods i can understand in and not get angry. he doesnt think of only him and your mistakes, but he think with a broad-sense. he knows he messes up and he admits it. like i said, it’s hard to say how special i am to have such a wise man as a father, but he understands that there are my culture and his culture and knows exactly how to approach the differences. he told me today, “i know you hate it when i tell you to do something. you shut me out. i realize if i continue to push you, i would be leading you farther away from what you are able to do. so i’m just here, waiting, because i know you’re going to one day wake up and realize what you need to do, how smart and talented you are and succeed beyond my expectations.”

it’s true. everything he said about me was true. im pretty self-centered. if i don’t wanna do it, i don’t. if you keep pushing me to do something that i have little to no interest in, i wont want to do it even more. im immature and stubborn. he told me my problem is that i cant think long term. all my goals and actions are short term. my instant happiness overrides my motivation for future happiness. if i wanna sleep, im not gunna study, im gunna sleep. it’s pretty fail. he said im talented. i have many qualities that will help me succeed in life. i learn fast, and i understand fast. but that’s where it ends. i don’t work to make it better or keep it in my head for a long period of time. so it’s lost over a short period of time. no experience gained. but he said there are moments when i catch on to something. and once i catch on to it, i dont let go and work harder than others and achieve greatness. i was a horrible runner, yet i ran in front of the lacrosse team second year. my first sat score was 1490. my final sat score was 1960. he said if i concentrate on something, i achieve greater than he ever expects of me. but the problem to it is that it’s rare that i ever catch onto something…. so he’s waiting. hoping i will make full use of my talents. listening to him telling me what he thinks of me was an incredible experience. im not sure if i’ll change or if i’ll fail at life, but one thing i know is that my dad is beyond other dads i’ve seen. he’s the one person that i can truely say i respect with all my heart.

he’s not perfect of course. he’s human, and there’s something called emotions. although he may fall off the track sometimes, i know where his heart is and i love him. that’s what he told me as well. and one day i hope i can become as wise and mature as he is. so my children can grow up just as blessed as i am. and i pray to God that i’ll never dissappoint my dad.

meowchuuu

Sat, 19 Feb 2011 12:28:22 -0500

meowchuuu

Qri from T-ara. pretty gurl.

Thu, 10 Feb 2011 18:04:34 -0500

Qri from T-ara. pretty gurl.

I gave baby Hero his annual bath today. He didn’t like it...

Wed, 09 Feb 2011 20:29:02 -0500

I gave baby Hero his annual bath today. He didn’t like it at all. kekekeke <3

+bonus; his seductive ajusshi pose

DO I DARE?! kekekekeke

Tue, 08 Feb 2011 23:19:18 -0500

DO I DARE?! kekekekeke

i wish my this was my hair right now

Mon, 07 Feb 2011 19:59:32 -0500

i wish my this was my hair right now

i love you to death christina aguilera but … that was a...

Mon, 07 Feb 2011 19:55:42 -0500

i love you to death christina aguilera but … that was a nono

WAIT... TIME TO VENT

Sun, 06 Feb 2011 22:33:40 -0500

OMFG I JUST HAD TO WRITE THIS SOMEWHERE CAUSE WOW ITS NOT ME ITS YOU. DEFINITELY YOU.

so i met someone. long distance. very very long distance. started out nice. we first met years ago, but never started talking until this year. it was like last december around my birthday. how nice. and thru talking and texting we became close. very close. but all happy beginning has a 63% chance of rain. he got mad at me a lot. A LOT. some things in the beginning, i admit ya i made a mistake. but then he got mad for small things such as going to do something real quick while chatting on msn. sorry my responses were too slow for u. or going on facebook while talking to u on the phone. its not a crime. is that mean of me? i think im ADD, i like to multitask. its what i get from working at starbucks. im sorry u cant have my attention 100% 24/7. then it got to “why didnt u text/talk to me?” idk? maybe im sick of always being the first one to talk to you. why cant YOOOUU talk to me first? is that a male ego shit or what? and when i say im not the type of girl whos good at making you feel happy and better all the time. face it. not whine about it. im not gunna use cute baby voices and kiss ur ass okay? im just like that. i even told u i was a major tomboy. and there was a time when i thought hey he gets it that im not the girly girl that he expected me to be. goodie! but no. you cant train an old dog new tricks. so i test it out. i dont talk to you for a day or two. and you dont talk to me either. then u tell me that i never talk to u and that ur mad about something? MAD ABOUT WHAT THIS TIME MOTHER FKER?! that was mean.. but im not gunna delete it. and srsly? am i always supposed to start the convo? always supposed to kiss ur booboo when ur mad? guess why ur mad? im sry if im too dense to get it or maybe u just get mad for such little things that normal people brush off so i dont get it! so eventually i let out my frustration. i just let it all out and you just say “okay sorry”. wth is that. what am i gunna do? break it off bitch. cause you suck. and all u have to say to me is “lol arnt we done?” well F U C K Y O U. i was listening to my ipod on shuffle while i was driving and Brian Joo’s “Because We Don’t Love Eachother” came on. story of my life. and reading that rererererereblogged post about what ashton kutcher said made me think that its sooo true. and long distance sucks.

Am i gunna miss him? i hate being hated and hating someone. its too much work. so yes. i will miss you. and i had really fun times with you. ill probably talk to you once i calm down. but ya. for the both of our sakes. we don’t work out well. maybe we’ll be friends, maybe not. maybe youre too immature to get over it. its all up to God now. and sorry God for cursing so much.

Project Back on Track

Sun, 06 Feb 2011 22:13:50 -0500

so.. last few weeks of my life: fail. its been downhill for more than weeks, but for months.. maybe years? and i just blindfold and tell myself everythings gunna be alright as i fall spiraling down my well of nowhere. i like to think of myself as a rational, realistic girl, but lets face it. wake up to reality. im a dreamer. i keep secrets, hide myself behind life’s little curtains, and think to myself: “its gunna all work out cause youre special” special my ass. im the same as every other girl that passes thru the campus with a bag on and a facial expression of too chill to impress but the body language of please look at me. time to undo my fantasies and start working my ass off for what i want and what i will deserve. stop eating away at stress and hope youll grow vertically into it. nope. get off my ass stop wasting time on facebook or a stupid online game and time to shave those bulging curves. sitting here watching people sing and dance on youtube isnt going to make me any better or closer to achieveing what i want. award for singing in the showers and wasting water goes to.. ME omg so nice. And sorry jackie, i gave up on the diet a few weeks ago. And thanks to esther. your blog made me wanna not put on anymore bb cream… first step is always admitting! also, i have an addiction to an online game. I KNOW. gd. time to uninstall. (no its not WOW :\) I didn’t go to class all last week cause of my selfishness…. god damn how am i gunna transfer outta this shit hole?!

Time for more happy faces. Go out and have fun. Study. Get the body that I want. Work to polish my talents. and please. I need to get these weird nailpolish off my fingers. THEY WONT COME OFF!! hit the salon, get my roots redone, hit the nail shop, new, fresh color… hmm shall i go beige? EAT BETTER…..

………. i just found out i lost $50 cause the fucking packers won. i lost my motivation to blog ;____________;

choisaucee: kathie: absentmindead:shailjix3:chantelbethanie:sou...

Sun, 06 Feb 2011 21:42:21 -0500

choisaucee:

kathie:

absentmindead:shailjix3:chantelbethanie:soulfulcaptivity:

I was shooting a scene in my new film, No Strings Attached, in which I say to Natalie Portman,

“If you miss me. you can’t text, you can’t email, you can’t post it on my Facebook wall. If you really miss me, you come and see me.”

I began to think of all of the billions of intimate exchanges sent daily via fingers and screens, bouncing between satellites and servers. With all this texting, emailing, and social networking, I started wondering, are we all becoming so in touch with one another that we are in danger of losing touch?

It used to be that boy met girl and they exchanged phone numbers. Anticipation built. They imagined the entire relationship before a call ever happened. The phone rang. Hearts pounded. “Hello?” Followed by a conversation that lasted two hours but felt like two minutes and would be examined with friends for two weeks. If all went well, a date was arranged. That was then.

Now we exchange numbers but text instead of calling because it mitigates the risks of early failure and eliminates those deafening moments of silence. Now anticipation builds. Bdoop. “It was NICE meeting u” Both sides overanalyze every word. We talk to a friend, an impromptu Cyrano: “He wrote nice in all caps. What does that mean? What do I write back?” Then we write a response and delete it 10 times before sending a message that will appear 2 care, but not 2 much. If all goes well, a date will be arranged.

Whether you like it or not, the digital age has produced a new format for modern romance, and natural selection may be favoring the quick-thumbed quip peddler over the confident, ice-breaking alpha male. Or maybe we are hiding behind the cloak of digital text and spell-check to present superior versions of ourselves while using these less intimate forms of communication to accelerate the courting process. So what’s it really good for?

There is some argument about who actually invented text messaging, but I think it’s safe to say it was a man. Multiple studies have shown that the average man uses about half as many words per day as women, thus text messaging. It eliminates hellos and goodbyes and cuts right to the chase. Now, if that’s not male behavior, I don’t know what is. It’s also great for passing notes. there is something fun about sharing secrets with your date while in the company of others. think of texting as a modern whisper in your lover’s car.

Sending sweet nothings on Twitter or Facebook is also fun. in some ways, it’s no different than sending flowers to the office: You are declaring your love for everyone to see. Who doesn’t like to be publicly adored. Just remember that what you post is out there and there’s some stuff you can’t un-see. But the reality is that we communicate with every part of our being, and there are times when we must use it all. When someone needs us, he or she needs all of us. There’s no text that can replace a loving touch when someone we love is hurting.

We haven’t lost romance in the digital age, but we may be neglecting it. In doing so, antiquated art forms are taking on new importance. The power of a hand-written letter is greater than ever. It’s personal and deliberate means more than an email or text ever will. It has a unique scent. It requires deciphering. But, most important, it’s flawed. There are errors in handwriting, punctuation, grammar, and spelling that show our vulnerability. And vulnerability is the essence of romance. It’s the art of being uncalculated, the willingness to look foolish, the courage to say,

“This is me, and I’m interested in you enough to show you my flaws with the hope that you may embrace me for all that I am but, more importantly, all that I am not.”

- Ashton Kutcher (Source)

You are a genius Ashton.

Wonderfully written and thought out…much of what I’ve been thinking put into words.

damnn.

beautifully said.

why cant i find someone like him? not some world-revolves-around-me dude…

Natalie Portman

Mon, 03 Jan 2011 02:42:04 -0500

love this girl.

Team 먹보 Diet Promise

Mon, 03 Jan 2011 02:17:33 -0500

Jen Soobin Kim and Jacqueline Yoomin Nam promise to follow these rules or any more set in the future to lose weight! 아자!

Start Weight: JKIM 1**/ JNAM 1** Start Date: January 4, 2011

Goal Weight: JKIM 120/ JNAM 115 Goal Date: June 4, 2011

Blogging

Every sunday, take a full body picture and record weight. Blog on tumblr. No need for exact weight measures, just good sign or bad sign.

Blog any new helpful rules/guidelines on tumblr or let other know.

Penalty

Sunday weigh yourself. For every pound gone up from the week before, we skip 2 meals for that week.

If the goal weight has been missed by a long shot by the goal date, that person(s) has to become a vegetarian for the month of June 2011.

Rules/Guidelines

Meatless Monday (no egg, fish, or meat all day)
Fruit Friday (only eat kiwi, grapefruit, apple, or pear all day)
NO BREAD !!
Drink at least 2 water bottles a day
Super foods!! » 고구마, tofu, lean meats
only eat 1/2 (or less) the amount of 밥공기 whenever you eat rice
Eat more 반찬 than 쌀
Chipotle once a week or less
NO FRIED FOOD!!
Exercise/stretch for at least 30min per day
When walking, take long strides
NO SODA or sugar water (i.e vitaminwater)
When cooking, only use Olive Oil
Turkey breast for sandwiches
NO WHOLE MILK

WE CAN DO THIS !!

Stalkers... what goes thru their head?

Mon, 29 Nov 2010 20:52:00 -0500

So the latest news of my life. Stalkerish Creep alert.

The Beginning…

While working at Starbucks I met a guy who was a customer. At first he came up to me about being asian and stuff. I was very friendly and nice following the Starbucks policy. At first I thought he was ok-looking. Then one day he found out my name was ‘Katie’… thanks to Amicia. He asks “what time do u get off?” I say, “6”. Around 5:30, he comes in again and buys a Tall coffee. Im thinking “He didnt come to get coffee, he came to see me” Correct I was. When I got off around 6:12, he called out and told me that someone had broken my windsheild wipers. There I found a small note saying “Is it, Katie? How come you never told me your name? My names Fady. Nice to meet you and know your name.” I thought, “how cheesy….” then when i get in my car to leave, he leaves with his friend. how typical.

The Facebook Era

While I’m working the next day, he comes over and asks “I tried to find you on facebook, but theres 1 million Katies” …. no shit moron. So I tell him how I spell my “Kaydi” name. He leaves and requests to be my facebook friend. At first, im thinking “hey this might be a start of a good friendship” then it started. He started facebook messaging me, not posting on my wall, but sending me messages. Then he wrote down his phone number and told me to txt him or give him mine. I was still ok by then. I txted him later saying hi. Then that night, i was trying to record jackie a singing video when he kept on facebook chatting me. i eventually ignored him and he said “well i guess ill talk to you some other time, goodnight” i shouldve left it at that or left him a facebook message, BUT i didnt. i txted him later, “sry i had to do something for a sec” and he responded by txt, “It was more than 15min”…… DUNDUNDUN wtf is this guy? thats when the first red bulb started to go off. He called me later and i picked up. consider it a second chance. we were talking. then he mentioned that he lived in NJ too and he was gunna go visit on christmas. i said i was going the day after. he then asks if im gunna go up to nj with him…. 16 hr drive. alone in the car with him, who i just started talking to? no. u dont ask me that u creep. then later when i said i like skating he asked if i wanted to go with him on thursday…. thursday was thanksgiving day. of course i said no. then he started talking about how he saw my pictures of europe and stuff on my facebook… wth u already went thru my facebook pictures? its been less than 24 hrs. then he got romantic, like “one of many traits i like about you is ur smile, it makes me feel peaceful”….. wtf? I hang up to talk to jackie. and thats when i decided he comes on WAY too strong. and im not looking for a bf so… nothnx.

My Decision: You’re a Creep

The next day he came to Starbucks while I was working and he ordered a Tall Mocha cause I was on bar. He orders the cheapest crap. his motive is pretty clear. he asks me then if i wanted to go skating with him that day after work….. I DONT KNOW YOU. i said i had to go watch harry potter. he was bummed and asked if i can on sunday. i said “ill think about it” and he left. thank god. guess what he comes in around 5 again and says “you better not blow me off for harry potter this sunday” …. I never said yes u faggot. After that I knew he was a creep and i didnt want any part of it, not even friendship. So he calls and calls, and i ignore him. he txts and i ignore him. on thanksgiving morning he disrupts my peacful sleep with a “good morning beautiful happy thanksgiving to you!” ……. BARF. i hate it when people call me baby, beautiful, darling, or any crap unless i feel comfortable around you. i kept ignoring his calls and txts and he facebook chats and says “is this how it is?” …… i dont owe you shit. i say “how wat is” and he says “i called and txted you” … “i missed it.” a lie. and then he says “oh ok, hows thanksgiving?”…….. then he asks if I wanna come after his work to see him eat turkey…. can you stop asking me to be alone with you? 씨발세끼야 눈치도없냐? i ignore him and exit facebook. he calls and calls and facebook messages, “how come you never have your laptop or phone with you?” and “r u there or not as usual?” GET A CLUE. then FIANLLY he leaves me a message, “Hey haydi! i dont i get the feeling youre ignoreing me so it was nice knowing you and good luck with everything.” exact words. im thinking he went thru lots to write this but who the fk cares cause he finally got the message !!! im freee!!! i put him on my block user list on facebook and felt i was free… or so i thought…

Stay the Fuck Away.

Today I was on drive thru and when i was busy, Seble took the order and all i hear all of a sudden is “Kaydi? Is this kaydi?” even before Seble can greet him with the usual standard….. dot dot dot. I had a feeling and I KNEW it was him. He NEVER came thru drive thru I automatically hid and told Seble to tell him I was on my break. He orders a Tall Coffee…. then I overhear Seble tell him Kaydi’s on her break and I thought he left. Then Carli suddenly says “Kaydi go hide! Go to the back!” Im like WHAT?! and I see a Kia silver car suddenly stop in front of the store. He was coming in…. I run for it and hide in the back. And I hear Carli tell him that it’s gunna be a while before my break is over…. then when the coast is clear, i come out to the front. Brittney tells me that as soon as she got out of the bathroom, he turned to her and was like “Kaydi?!” …. she was like “uhh no, calm down..” jesus oh lord almighty. i was scared the whole time he was gunna come back again… everyone. EVERYONE at starbucks thinks hes a creepy stalker. He needs to calm the shit down and leave me alone.

Should I be more out front and tell him to fuck off cause he CLEARLY is too retarded to get a hint? Maybe so. but I hate confronting him. im scared of confronting him. im afraid hes gunna find a new way to keep talking to me. ugh.

i need help ben scared me by saying that he might follow me home afterwork :(

hopefully he wont come back again and he’s learned his lesson.

//edit

The Epilogue… hopefully the end.

He texted me around Christmas time. “Hey Kaydi. I just wanna say I’m sorry for whatever I did to make you mad. I just hope you accept my apology.” And I ignored it for a few hours but then I remembered what Greta said. “I don’t think he’s trying to be a creep, he just doesn’t know where the line is” So I texted him back: “I wasn’t mad. You just came on way too strong when I wasn’t looking for a relationship or knew you very well. Anyways Happy Holidays.”

I was trying to end this oh so nicely. But then he texted: “Does that mean your gunna add me on facebook again?”

…………………………………………………………-ignored.-

listening to Tim’s new 5th album: New Beginnings. <3...

Mon, 29 Nov 2010 20:19:14 -0500

listening to Tim’s new 5th album: New Beginnings.

<3 the song called “난 너떼문에”/”Liquid” (Eng version)

I forgot about Tim for a while, but as soon as I heard his voice, I remembered how much I loved his voice. its not just any kind of voice its soothing i like it. :) he has that voice when he holds a high note strong and long, it sounds like his voice echos outwards. i only know a few artists who can make that sound while sounding like a soothing everyday voice, not too overboard. xiahjunsu is one of them. <3

recently, my interest in singing has grown. i like to belt out notes and sing songs everywhere. im still unsure if people exaggerate and say i have a good voice or if i have a chance to fulfill a dream to have a rare kind of voice. like christina aguilera or park bom….hmm.. maybe one day. im still unsure if my dream is a possibility. i def need to loose tons of weight. around 50lbs would be good. but its so much. i need to stop pigging out. jesus. i eat like hell. and i cant lie. my dance skills have become sloppy as hell. its unfortunate. i wanna dance and stuff but i dont have my mirror anymore… lifetime has too many people. and judgemental people. if we can all have some wish fulfilled. i guess this is why God created persisitance and dedication. characteristics i def lack.

thats why i love Tims new album title. New Beginnings. I definitely need a new beginning. I need to stick with a name first of all. And I wanna change who I am. finally lose my weight. hopefully my acne will choose to end our long relationship soon. ya. its time to change and start a new beginning. i bought tons of new clothes. i think its a step. no more colorful out of place. here comes casual, comfy, this is me.

be true.

it’s what ill do.

happee pepero day (11/11)

Thu, 11 Nov 2010 19:53:23 -0500

happyhappy pepero day!

so much stuff going through my head but im not sure how to start or how to put it all down…. spongebob marathon isnt helping either. time to make a list!!

yg audition
diet
college
what to do
new autumn style
friends
psycho boy expectation

…. i lost my will to continue. hopefully it’ll return or i’ll just come back to add onto the list. :)

"untitled" overkill

Wed, 10 Nov 2010 20:49:57 -0500

my simple question: “what am i doing right now?”